Robert Asprin. Epigraps for Myth series

I. Another Fine Myth

1. "There are things on heaven and earth, Horatio, Man was not meant to know" Hamlet

2. "Things are not always as they seem" Mandrake

3. "The only thing more reliable than magik is one's friends!" Macbeth

4. "Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel" Ulysses

5. "Only constant and conscientious practice in the Martial Arts will ensure a long and happy life" B. Lee

6. "Attention to detail is the watchword for gleaning information from an unsuspecting witness" Insp. Clouseau

7. "Is there anything in the universe more beautiful and protective than the simple complexity of a spider's web?" Charlotte

8. "In times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head" M. Antoinette

9. "To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader" Capt. Bligh (ret.)

10. "Man shall never reach his full capacity while chained to the earth. We must take wing and conquer the heavens" Icarus

11. "One of the joys of travel is visiting new towns and meeting new people" G. Khan

12. "First impressions are of major importance in business matters" J. Pierpoint Finch

13. "The secret to winning the support of large groups of people is positive thinking" N. Bonaparte

14. "A little help at the right time is better than a lot of help at the wrong time" Tevye

15. "Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby" R. Hood

16. "Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless" T. Edison

17. "The wonders of the ages assembled for your edification, education, and enjoyment - for a price" P.T. Barnum

18. "No matter what the product or service might be, you can find it somewhere else cheaper!" E. Scrooge

19. "By persevering over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination" C. Columbus

20. "With the proper consideration in choice of allies, victory may be guaranteed in any conflict" B. Arnold

21. "One must deal openly and fairly with one's forces if maximum effectiveness is to be achieved" D. Vader

22. "This is another fine myth you've gotten me into!" Lor L. and Har D.

23. "Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned" D. Graeme

24. "Ya gotta be subtle!" M. Hammer

25. "Just because you've beaten a sorcerer, doesn't mean you've beaten a sorcerer" Toth-Amon

26. "A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end" F. Schubert

II. Myth Conceptions

1. "Life is a series of rude awakenings" R.V. Winkle

2. "First impressions, being the longest lasting, are of utmost importance" J. Carter

3. "Ninety percent of any business transaction is selling yourself to the client" X. Hollander

4. "If the proper preparations have been made and the necessary precautions taken, any staged event is guaranteed success" Ethelred the Unready

5. "...Eye of newt, toe of frog..." Believed to be the first recipe for an explosive mixture... The forerunner of gunpowder

6. "That's entertainment!" Vlad the Impaler

7. "Numerical superiority is of no consequence. In battle, victory will go to the best tactician" G.A. Custer

8. "Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit" Teresias

9. "There is more at stake here than our lives" Col. Travis Alamo Pep Talk

10. "One need not fear superior numbers if the opporight force has been properly scouted and appraised" S. Bull

11. "Should old acquaintance be forgot..." Count of Monte Cristo

12. "This is no game for old men! Send in the boys!" W. Hays

13. "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce" Henry VIII

14. "We're looking for a few good men" B. Cassidy

15. "I'll worry about it tomorrow" S. O'Hara

16. "Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars!" A. Hitler

17. "Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior" Hun, A.T.

18. "Just before the battle, Mother, I was thinking mos of you..." Sonny Barker

19. "What if they gave a war and only one side came-" Lucifer

20. "Chain of command is the backbone of military structure and must be strictly obeyed" F. Christian

21. "It takes a giant to fight a giant" H. Prym

22. "Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched" C. Mather

23. "What is this, a Chinese fire drill?" Sun Tzu

24. "...and then I said to myself, 'Why should I split it two ways-'" G. Mouser

25. "Is everybody happy?" Machiavelli

26. "All's well that ends well" E.A. Poe

III. Myth Directions

1. "Dragons and Demons and Kings, Oh my!" The Cowardly Klahd

2. "When old friends get together, everything else pales to insignificance" War, Famine, Pestilence and Death

3. "That's funny, I never have any trouble with sevice when I'm shopping" K. Kong

4. "'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute term" Baron Frank N. Further

5. "Nothing is impossible. Anything can be accomplished with proper preparations and planning" Ponce de Leon

6. "Now you see it, now you don't" H. Shadowspawn

7. "A friend in need is a pest" Fafhrd

8. "Once more into the breach..." Zarna, the Human Cannonball

9. "War may be Hell... but it's good for business!" The Association for Merchants, Manufacturers, and Morticians

10. "Old heroes never die; they reappear in sequels" M. Moorcock

11. "What do you mean, 'You've got a little job for me'?" Hercules

12. "Out of the frying pan, into der fire" The Swedish Chief

13. "If you can't dazzle them with dexterity, baffle them with bullshit!" Prof. H. Hill

14. "As any magician will tell you - Myth Directions is the secret of a successful steal" D. Henning

15. "-Or was it unlock the safe then swim to the surface?" H. Houdini

16. "...and then the fun began" N. Bonaparte

17. "I'm sure we can talk things out like civilized people" J. Wayne

18. "What's the point-spread on World War III?" R. Reagan

19. "Why should I pay a troll just to cross a bridge?" B.G. Gruff

20. "What are friends for?" R.M. Nixon

21. "We've got an unbeatable team!" Sauron

22. "No matter what the game, no matter what the rules, the same rules apply to both sides!" Hoyle's Law

23. "Life is full of little surprises" rightora

24. "This contest has to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen" H. Cosell

25. "If you can't win fair, just win!" U.S. Grant

26. "Winning isn't the most important thing; it's the only thing!" J. Caesar

27. "Ask not for whom the bell tolls-" M. Ali

IV. Hit or Myth

1. "There's something to be said for relatives... it has to be said because it's unprintable!" A. Einstein

2. "When things are blackest, I just tell myself 'cheer up, things could be worse!' And sure enough, they get worse!" Skeeve

3. "Once a knight, always a knight, But once a King is once too often!" Sir Bella of Eastmarch

4. "Duty: a fee paid for transacting in good(s)" U.S. Dept. of Commerce

5. "The only thing worse that a sorcerer is a sorcerer's apprentice" M. Mouse

6. "Good information is hard to get. Doing anything with it is even harder!" L. Skywalker

7. "There is no counter for a spirited woman except spirited drink" R. Butler

8. "Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you!" Y. Arafat

9. "I don't know why anyone would be nervous about going to see royalty" P. in Boots

10. "Superior firepower is an invaluable tool when entering into negotiations" G. Patton

11. "Tell you what. Let me sweeten the deal a bit for you..." Beelzebub

12. "I'm making this up as I go along!" I. Jones

13. "Marriage, being a lifelong venture, must be approached with care and caution" Bluebeard

14. "Some farewells are easier than others" P. Marlowe

15. "In a war against organized crime, survival is a hit or myth proposition" M. Bolan

16. "It's always easier to destroy than to create" Any general, any army, any age

17. "The best laid plans often go fowl" Wile E. Coyote

18. "Life can be profitable, if you know the odds" Ripley

19. "These blokes need to be taught to respect their superiors" Gen. Cornwallis

20. "Figure the last thing you would expect the enemy to do, then count on him doing precisely that!" Richelieu

21. "Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!" V. Dracula

VII. M.Y.T.H. Inc. Link

1. "Petty crime is the scourge of business today" D. Lorean

2. "It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'!" L. Borgia

3. "It's all a matter of taste" B. Midler

4. "If you're too busy to help your friends, you're too busy!" L. Iacocca

5. "What fools these mortals be" Smaug

6. "Not everything in life is funny" R.L. Asprin

VIII. Myth-Nomers and Im-pervections

1. "Nobody's seen it all!" Marco Polo

2. "They don't make 'em like they used to!" H. Ford

3. "It's not even a nice place to visit!" Fodor's Guide To Perv

4. "Taxis are water soluble" G. Kelly

5. "I just need to pick up a few things" I. Marcos

6. "There's no place like home!" H. Johnson

7. "...On the street where you live" Quote from an anonymous extortion note

8. "There's never a cop around when you need one!" A. Capone

9. "...You gotta start somewhere" S. McDuck

10. "All financiers are not created equal!" R. Corman

11. "How come I get all the hard questions?" O. North

12. "HOLY BATSHIT, FATMAN! I mean..." Robin

13. "Who? Me, Officer?" J. Dillinger

14. "Parting is such sweet sorrow" Figaro

15. "Easy credit terms available..." Satan

16. "You can judge the success of a man by his bodyguards!" Prince

17. "Bibbity... bobbity..." S. Strange, M.D.

18. "'M' is for many things she taught me..." Oedipus

19. "I am not a crook!" Any crook

20. "Were you looking for me?" Dr. Livingstone

IX. M.Y.T.H. Inc. In Action

0. "What am I doing here?" Any recruit, any army

1. "What do you mean my characters talk funny?" D. Runyon

2. "We want to make you feel at home!" L. Borgia

3. "Just a little off the top!" A. Boleyn

4. "Squeeze, don't jerk, the trigger" R. Rogers

5. "When I travel, nobody knows me... and I like it that way!" S. King

6. "Boards don't hit back!" B. Lee

7. "To Serve and Protect..." Traditional motto of protection rackets

8. "It takes one to know one!" Jack D. Ripper

9. "Manners are acquired, not inherited!" S. Penn

10. "Now, here's my plan!" R. Burns

11. "That's why the lady is a tramp!" B. Midler

12. "It sure looks to me like a big night tonight!" Arthur, Rex

13. "Weren't you expecting me?" J. Rambo

14. "You countermanded me on whose authority?" Pope John

15. "An army travels on its paperwork!" J. Carlson

16. "So what's wrong with following established procedures?" M. Gorbachev

17. "Ya gotta speak the language" N. Webster

18. "Has anybody got a plan?" G.A. Custer

19. "We must hurry... It's almost over!" P. Fogg

20. "I want a rematch!" M. Tyson

© Irina Samonova 1999-2020